It was lonely at the oncologist's office today.
As I walked out of school early this afternoon, my principal saw me. "Hey, you're not supposed to be here." I took the afternoon off for my oncologist's appointment and I was leaving school about forty-five minutes later than I could have. I had stayed a little longer than I had to so I could spend some time with one of my coworkers. Usually, it feels like all my appointments are rushed and I am either hurrying from work or to work. Today; however, my appointment was later in the afternoon, so there was no rush. As I did finally walk out of school, it hit me that I was also delaying the reality of going to my appointment. The percentages are overwhelmingly in my favor and there have been no unusual occurrences of late to cause any increased concern. Still, the weight of walking into an appointment that could be life changing, no matter how small the percentages may be, is heavy.
I have done my best to not let the negative "what ifs?" take root. For all who were aware, I told them I am going to my good news appointment. That is what I expected to get and I had no reason to expect anything otherwise. I got the good news I expected - "There is no evidence of cancer anywhere." I will no longer have to have CT scans. I will continue to have lab work done every six months. I will continue to have a colonoscopy regularly per the request of my oncologist. My next one is scheduled at the beginning of the year, though I am on the cancelation list and will have it moved up if possible to mid-November or later this year. I must continue to work on making lifestyle and dietary changes to best care for myself and my overall health. I have the knowledge, the resources, and the support necessary, but it is up to me to exercise the discipline to do so. Thank you for all of your continued support and prayers! Yes, God is good, but not because of my circumstances. God's goodness is not circumstantial and it certainly doesn't depend on me! I keep preaching this message because some of you still haven't gotten it. Today I crossed 600 days since my cancer diagnosis. God willing there are many more days to come!
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